Will you be my new start?
by NeonLuna
Summary: College isn't a good place for the misfitted Dan Howell. He gets bullied and played around with, he has no friends. He's on the verge of packing it in when a certain someone changes his education altogether. But will it last?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note; I literally wrote this months ago and forgot about it. Hope you enjoy it! Oh, and I do not own Dan, nor do I own Phil:(**

My alarm abruptly awakens me from a restless sleep ridden with nightmares featuring college teachers and deadlines. I groan and grasp my head, which is pounding like hell from constant revision notes and a downward spiral of worry. Rolling over, pulling my quilt with me, I look to my alarm clock. The numbers cause me to grimace. 7:12am. I have a goddamn lecture at 8. I swing my legs out from my bed and take in my surroundings. Countless Pokémon tidbits and guitar-hero remotes are strung across the cream carpet. Then I see the things that really matter. Recent birthday presents placed on my drawers. Cards signed by people I love. I sigh and get up groggily. These are the things that spur me on throughout the day. I dress in a hurry and as my toast is on I down some coffee before grabbing my bag and heading out the door to college.

I enter the gates to hear a chorus of 'emo faggot'. This day is going to be just great, I can feel it. To top my great morning off, my first lecture is History of Lawyers. God, I'm so tired, I might skip. I sigh, wishing I was that bad-ass. But unfortunately, I'm a bit of a nerd. I walk towards the front doors, avoiding a particular group of rough ones.

I'm slumped in a squishy chair in the lecture hall. I'm at the back (of course) and I'm ten minutes early (of course). Bored, I flip through the music on my iPod, sitting back further and closing my eyes. After all, it is very early.

A searing pain startles me back to consciousness. I hear laughter as my vision adjusts and realize I'm surrounded by three boys. These three guys are in the majority of my classes and, for some reason unknown to me, hate me. Fully awake now, I realize my music is still on. I rip out my earphones and sigh. "What do you want?" They stop laughing at my cruel awakening and look more menacing. Maybe my tone was too sour. "We wanna sit with our friend Dan, don't we fellas?" The leader laughs. The three boys nod in sync and sit around me, basically surrounding me. I keep quiet as they whisper countless insults at me, nothing I haven't heard before. The teacher walks in and starts the lesson, completely oblivious these guys are pissing with me. I slyly slip my ear-phones back in, staring at the teacher intently. Nobody even notices. I just sit rigidly on my chair for a good ten minutes, staring at the ceiling. Then, slowly but surely, all the students turn their heads in my direction, Oh, shit. I slowly take my earphones out. "I'm guessing you do not know the answer then, Daniel Howell! And if my class is not good enough for you, by all means, leave!" The teacher booms. As the boys around me smirk and shoot me dirty looks and the rest of the class start to laugh at me, I decide I've had enough. I slowly stand and start to leave. I'm done with this.

Once I'm in the corridor, I realize what I have _just done. _Daniel Howell, nerd, procrastinator and misfit just walked out of a lecture. Forgetting his bag. Damn, I knew there was something. All well, it's too late now. I mean, it's not like I can just go back in. So I head off down the hall, my hands clasped together. I get to the next classroom I'm in and decide to hang around awkwardly until the bell rings in about ten minutes.

The first people who walk down the corridor, ready for class, are the guys who do not like me. Just my luck. Oh, and will you look at that. They're throwing around my bag. "Heeeyyyyy, Dan, buddy!" The front man shouts. I shoot him a dirty look, my only defense. "Don't," The guy is a lot closer now, right up to my face, his rank breath way too close for my comfort. "Ignore me, when I speak to you." I feel a sharp pain in my side and double over, all the oxygen leaving my body. I gasp for air but another low blow to the stomach stops me from inhaling. I fall. Another searing jab. And then, ",Break it up boys. How old are you? Go to lesson. Now." The female teacher clops off down the hall, not caring that I'm hurt. Not caring that these boys will carry on, unmerciful to my pain. Another kick. "Dan, mate. You've avoided us for weeks, ant ya?" One of the boys speaks up, my vision is too blurry to identify the voice. "But now we gotcha were we want ya." A bell signaling you're late for class rings. The boys share a look. "We'll seeya after school, Danny boy." I give no reaction and just lay broken on the floor. They leave me and I'm free to cry, cry, cry.

I limp back to my dorm in time for the next bell. I get to the bathroom, just in time. I clutch at the sink, hydro-pumping vomit down the drain. I wipe my mouth and reach for my toothbrush, looking at myself in the mirror. Bruises are splashed decoratively across my face, I sight I've seen far to often. They create a disturbingly mesmerizing pattern across my face, chest and arms. Yellow, brown, purple. Very autumnal. I then go over to my bed and crawl under my soft, comforting covers. I decide I'm done for today.

**P.s; I hope you like chapter one! I know it's not the happiest, but I promise it'll get better during the oncoming chapters:) And we'll get to meet Phil! **

**Feel free to review! -NeonLuna**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note;**

Knock, knock, knock! And before I have chance to respond or even barely open my eyes, the door is swung open wide. "This is room 182, it is shared of course, Daniel Howell- whom is right there," I'm tangled up in my sheets when the headmaster -shit- is stood right above me. He is not impressed. I sit up slowly, pulling the cover up to my chest. "Uhh, I- I'm not-"

"In class? No, I can see that, . Would you like to go to your lesson?" I stutter at his angry tone. Then it clicks. He has a boy stood next to him. A new border? No, he's trying to sell a place in the college. And that costs quite a pretty penny. I look sheepishly to the boy, but he doesn't look put off, he looks quite concerned. Then I really look at him. He is rather tall, about an inch shorter than the headmaster. He has a jet black fringe, similar to mine. The first thing you notice about him, though, are his eyes. They really are something else; bright, bold blue, eye-catching and summarizing. After a second to long of taking him in, the head-master shoots me a dirty look and calls for 'Philip' to follow him. I like that name, it has a certain ring to it. Philip follows hesitantly, his eyes locked on my face. I'm suddenly very conscious of my appearance. The boy half smiles before following the head out of the door. I get up slowly when they've gone, my head dizzy. I hate getting beat up.

Looking in the mirror is an even worse feint than before. My autumnal bruises have changed to match the current season; winter. The dark patches on my body make me look very pale with the contrast. They also make me look pretty washed out. I'm positive that's why the Phil boy looked concerned. Or at least I think so. I quickly splash my bloody face with water. Feeling refreshed (not at all to do with the, uh, Phil guy) I decide to head down to my last lesson, media. After all, it is my favorite. Plus, I have two sort-of friends in that class. Pj and Chris. Chris is hilariously childish and Pj has the mind of a genius, they balance each other out. I pop an aspirin my mouth to tame the oncoming bitch of a headache and make my way down to media.

I relax for the very first time that day, sat laughing and joking with Pj and Chris. We're going to work together on this terms project. It's an exiting one; Story of my Life. We film bits of our lives everyday, insignificant as they are, they resemble how all the little things are important. I laugh at another obscene joke from Chris when Mr. Galle, the guy who has the crap job of welfare for the kids who board here, pops his head round the door. He spots me and beckons for me to follow him. I scrape my chair back and walk to him, unsure of how this will span out. Is it because those guys beat me up? But when he shuts the door behind me, I see that the Phil kid is stood next to him. "Dan, you've been at the college for a good two years, no? Well, Philip Lester is joining us today. He's a new boarder so we though you, being a long-time resident, could show him the ropes. Dan, this is your new roommate Phil." I look up to Phil, my eyes wide. I've never had a roommate. This could be interesting. Mr. Galle looks at my intently, unsure of my reaction. I smile widely and Mr. Galle claps me on the back. "I'll leave you two to get to know each other. Phil's taking media, too, aren't you Phil?" Phil nods silently as Mr. Galle walks off down the hall, a spring in his step. I look up at Phil. He's a little taller than me. "Uh, hi, I'm Dan. It's great- it's good to finally have a roommate, haha," I laugh nervously. Phil smiles at me and it's a real smile. Not a crappy fake one you see all the time. It's pretty. "Hiya Dan, I'm Phil," He says awkwardly. His pupils are massive, making his eyes look even bluer. I motion to enter the classroom and we walk in, unsure and slightly thrilled. I smile at him again before taking my seat with Chris and Pj and he sits next to me. We all exchange names and once well acquainted Chris describes to Phil, very graphically, about the project we're starting. I don't stop smiling throughout the whole lesson. Perhaps Phil will be a pleasant change in my life.

**P.s I hope you enjoyed it! That's more or less all I pre-wrote so It'll be spontaneously new to me next time I upload. Oooh, exiting. And also, thank-you to uhnonniemiss for reviewing! -NeonLuna **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note; I'm getting this mixed up with my other storyxD Hope you enjoy this chapter, I feel as if Dan matures a bit in this one, hmm. Btw, I apologize before hand about any mistakes, grammar or spelling in this. Enjoy! **

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The bell rings, signaling the end of a really fun lesson. I'm still laughing with Phil, Chris and Pj when everybody else has left class. The teacher hurries us along into the corridor. Phil has to head home, start packing and stuff. I'm really exited for him to move in. It's been a good two years since I last lived with people and then it was only my parents and brother. I'm also pretty anxious about it too. What if we don't like each other? What if I screw it up? Oh, gods, what if he sees my hobbit hair? Pj snaps me back to reality. "D'ya wan't to hang out for a bit? I have some time, my mum's running late to pick me and Chris up." Pj's voice really is very majestic. I look at him to see if he's kidding or not. He wants to hang round with the kid who gets bullied? Fine by me. I smile in agreement. We begin to walk down the hall and out onto the courtyard, still talking and laughing. We sit on the steps leading up to the college building, they're cool and marble under my touch. I relax side by side with my new friends, discussing Zelda, Pokémon and other assorted nerdy things.

I'm back in my room by 5. I unlock it, still thinking about Phil. He moves-in in around three days. I force my door to open. There must be something behind it, wedging it. I step in, actually more like on, to my room. Ah, shit. It's a bit of a mess. I take in the confides of my space. It looks like a freaking dumping ground. Clothes, especially socks somehow, are strewn across the cream carpet messily. My bed is shoved against the far wall, my drawers open and slightly broke. My wardrobe contains no clothes. Don't even get me started on how messy my little desk is. Perhaps there was some kind of bomb in here? Either way, it needs cleaning before Phil moves in. Ugh, I hate cleaning. I throw my bag down and just delve straight in, my bones hurting a bit from being beat up.

A loud knocking at the door alerts me back to present day. I really went hardcore with the cleaning thing. I walk (not struggle through the shit) to my door and fling it right open, nothing blocking its way. I'm smiling like an idiot before I realize a very angry Mr. Galle stands opposite me, his arms folded. "Dan, it's one in the morning. Turn off your music and _go to bed." _Before I have chance to respond, he's dragging off down the corridor. My mouth opens in shock. Is it really that late? I go over to my phone, turning down the music, and check the time. Huh, 1;03. Interesting. I peel off my top and fall blissfully into a completely clean-made bed. I look around, proud at my work. My bed is now on the left side, as is the now only half-broken set of drawers and my desk (which is clear). The wardrobe is in the middle, ready for Phil to share. The t.v's on the other middle side so we can share the Wii, too. The right side is clear except for the window, ready for Phil. It's gonna be great, I can feel it.

I don't exactly feel the same when a sharp rapping on the door shocks me awake. I groan and stumble over to answer it. It's still freaking night-time. I open it, half asleep. Mr. Galle is stood there, rolling his eyes at me. "Typical teenage boy," He laughs to two men behind him, ",Getting up in the afternoon," The last bit is more pointed towards me. And it's not like I'd have even got up yet if it wasn't for his cruel awakening. "Bring it through to the right, please," Mr. Galle insinuates. "Thanks for cleaning, too Dan." The two men carry through a bed and put it up under the window. I'm literally stood here, half-dressed, half-asleep as they barge in. All well. It is 2;19 I check my phone. Shit, it is pretty late. Ugh, cleaning really takes it out of you. The barging-in-men take their leave but Mr. Galle hangs around. I sit back down on my bed, rubbing my eyes, my hair slightly curly. He walks towards me and sits parallel. "Daniel, I just want a quick word about all these bruises you've gotten," He says. Ah, shit. I'm not wearing a top. I madly search for an excuse, after-all I'm not the snitching type. I glance down to my chest and ribs. The bruising is pretty bad. I haven't even seen my face since yesterday. "Oh, y'know, I..fell...on the...marble stairs out-side the school building." I'm c-r-a-p at lying but he scenes I don't want to talk about it so he stands up, looking at me with nothing but pity. He walks a few steps towards the door but turns round again. "I just want to help,Dan. Are you sure you...fell?" He smiles. I nod quickly. He sighs at my incompetence but walks out, shutting the door softly behind him. Gods, he better not ring my parents.

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**P.s Yay, he cleaned:D Was this chapter just all about cleaning? Well, there are some clean-fetish people out there :p A big thank-you to; uhnonniemiss and ItsWayPastMyBedtime1 (Whom I actually though was Carrie Hope Fletcher, ohgod I freakedxD) for reviewing! As always, with love -NeonLuna **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note; Sorry it's late, sorry it's late, sorry it's late.**

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Phil's due to arrive today. Sunday. I'm seriously bored though. It's only eleven in the morning, which must be a record to get up without an alarm clock. I'm dressed, too. Bored and dressed with five hours in front of me. I'll just lie here.

No, instead I got my lazy ass up, texting Chris and Pj. Pj said to meet them at the local pub; Hillis Arms at any time. I'm okay with that it's just, well, I've never really had friends before. I'm not sure how to act. Chris is pretty flirty but I don't have the charisma for that. Pj is funny and mysterious but our personalities are totally different. I'll just have to improvise I guess.

"Hi," I greet casually, walking towards them and sitting on a stool at the table. To say I've been at the university for three years, I have to admit, I've never actually had the friends to come to this pup. Pj nods his head at me, distracted with a camera in his hands. Chris is at the bar, buying a round of drinks. Pj lifts the camera to my height, motioning me to say hi. "Uh, hey," I gabble. Smooth, Dan, real smooth. Pj chuckles at my awkwardness whilst Chris puts the orange juices down in front of us. I nod a thanks and take a sip. "Alright, Dan?" Chris greets also taking a sip. Before I have time to answer he start off again. "So Pj's started the camera day life project thing. Have you introduced yourself? We did it in the apartment," He carries on but I stopped listening. Huh, they share an apartment. Are they that close? I never knew. Confirming my 'close theory' Pj shuts Chris up by merging his lips together with his fingers. Maybe they're even closer than they come across? Anyway, they're both pretty cool. I enjoy the day in the pub with them, we even make a quick blog for the project.

When I get back to my dorm, Phil is there along with parents and presumably a brother. They're carrying boxes up the corridor. I sidle up awkwardly to them and offer to help. Phil rolls his eyes when his mother replies over-enthusiastically but I go ahead and bring a few boxes in. I go into the room when all the boxes are delivered. Phil's-maybe-brother is in the dorm looking around. I'm guessing he's about three years older by the fact that he has a ring on his left hand and his stubble is noticeable. I wonder how old Phil is? I stand, swinging my arms. He notices me and smiles. "I'm Harley," He extends his hand, "So, is it good here?" I take his hand and the ring knocks me. I smile back, my lungs squeezing, my brain screaming at me to answer before it gets even more awkward. Okay, I may have slight social anxiety problem. "Uh, uh, yeah, it's...great," I mumble. I'm supposed to be seventeen not three, jeez. Saving from the awkwardness of the situation Phil's dad beckons for Harley to come along and I nod my farewell. Saved by the father. I glance outside the door into the corridor, spotting Phil wrapped in a tight embrace with his mother. He doesn't look too impressed. "Phil, baby, be good. This a new chance after that horrid school, yeah? You will be good, won't you? And you might even meet a nice boy-" That was too much for Phil. He draws back, his cheeks bright with colour. He scrunches his eyes together and face-palms. So...Phil is gay? Cool, I guess. I've never actually had a gay friend. Well, I've never actually had a friend. But that's beside the point. "Mum, I'll be good, okay? I promise. I love you," He has a deep northern twang to his voice. It's kind of sexy. Wait, what? His Mum releases him with one last peck on the cheek. I move out of the door frame for Phil to enter. Well, this should be fun.

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**P.s I'm sorry it's short and it took me ages. I'm in the midst of a writers block/can't be arsed phase. But hopefully the next update will be better! -Goodbye weekend- Please review! -NeonLuna :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note; I totally ship them :D **

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Phil gets unpacked pretty quickly. He has a Wii! It's actually around six 'o' clock when the room is sorted. It looks really cool with all Phil's alterations. He put up a few posters on the right wall and he has a large camera stand placed next to the bathroom door. Does he make videos? We're both led on our beds, parallel from each other. "Your brother seems nice," I say to break the silence. Phil chuckles at my comment and turns on his bed to face me. His eyes really are an intense blue, they demand attention. They have all my attention. "Yeah, Harley's cool. He's getting married in the summer." I nod my head, turning to face him too. I take in his appearance. He has a six-o-clock shadow; perhaps he's older than me? I decide to be brave and ask. "I'm twenty-one, twenty-two in January. How old are you?" Shit, he's quite a bit older than me. He doesn't seem to act it, though. What with the cute giggle and all... "I'm seventeen, but I've been here since I was fifteen," I answer. Well, I feel like a child now. Phil smiles across the room at me. He has nice teeth. Way to be normal, noticing someone's teeth. I'm actually creeping myself out now. I blush at the thought. Oh, god. What if he thinks I'm blushing at him? I'm just digging myself a hole here. I blink to chase away the inappropriate-ness. We then actually go on to get to know each other. I find out I really like Philip Micheal Lester, the boy whom is quite a man-child, whom likes Muse and Nintendo. We are similar and we're already acting like friends after the first night of living together. Here's to a long friendship, I hope.

I wake at around seven to the sound of music. That's a sure first. I hear the shower running and stretch, just remembering that Phil now lives with me. Uh, I have to attend lessons today. Why do I even bother with college? Not to go home, I guess. Boo hoo. I blink rapidly, coming to my scenes. That's when I hear Phil singing. I can't quite place the song but his voice is nice, especially to wake me in the morning. It's kind of, I don't know, soft. It's a nice change to my alarm wailing at me. I fling my legs over the side of the bed and walk over to the bathroom door. I actually grasp the knob before it occurs to me that Phil is in the shower. Naked. I shake my head rapidly and blush prosperously. What is going on with me? I need to snap out of it before Phil thinks I'm a total weirdo.

I decide not to shower and just to get dressed before Phil finishes in the bathroom. He's still singing. I open the wardrobe door reluctantly, ready for the day. A plain black t-shirt and skinny jeans, the usual. I actually lie back down, I'm that tired. Being a student sucks. Phil open the bathroom door letting steam flood into the bedroom, warming me a considerable amount. "Are you awake, Dan?" He asks. I mumble an intelligent reply. He laughs softly and switches on his hairdryer. Well, at least he won't think I'm mad to straighten my hair; he does it too. I turn round and take him in. His hair is dripping but he is dressed. A nice light blue t-shirt that matches his eyes and black skinny jeans. He catches me looking and smiles. I go red for the second time that day and smile back.

We walk down the corridor side by side. I actually enjoy his company a considerable amount. It's nice to always have someone there, it's not as lonely. He's reading his time-table looking utterly flabbergasted. I reach for it.

P1 ENGLISH STUDIES

P2 FREE

P3 EDITING

P4 MEDIA

I hand it him back. "Okay so first period you have a lecture, that's actually next to my lecture theater, so I can take you there," He nods as I continue to explain, "I don't have a free period second but I do know that Pj has, so you could meet up with him in the cafeteria or something. After your free hour, we get a half hour break so I can meet you and Pj then. After break it's my free period so I can show you were your editing class is. Then all four of us have media after lunch." He whistles lowly, folding his schedule back up. I smile at his cute 'confused face'. He sticks out his tongue in return. I laugh and he laughs with me just as the bell rings. We half run to class and I promise to meet him after.

This lecture is so boring, plus it's the lesson I have with the bullies. I'm more or less the first there so I take my usual seat at the back, hoping to avoid those guys. I'm not in such luck. They spot me straight away and sit far too close for my comfort. After only five minutes of the lecture, my chair is being kicked and petty insults are being thrown my way. The worst thing is, I totally believe them. I let them dance around in my imagination, blowing them up, exaggerating them and they lunge at me like sharp daggers. Being verbally abused is worse than getting a few punches. It carries on until I think I'm going to crack and the bell rings, setting me free from this confined prison. I jump up straight away and speed toward the exit but before I know it my face hits the floor hard. Blood gushes from my nose and already my vision is blurry. I think I hit my head. They laugh but it's weird and fuzzy. I'm up on my feet again, I'm shaking and stumbling towards the door but they won't let me go, they won't let me out. The main guy grabs my forearm and I flinch at his steely grip. "Don't even bother," He remarks. I give into them and I let them hurt me. I'm once again on the floor and I taste the assuring metallic feeling in my mouth. There's no teachers and they don't stop when the bell goes. They laugh but really, I wonder why. Why do they have to hurt me? Does it make them feel better? I'm consumed in my own thoughts and it blocks out the pain a considerable amount. They tire quickly of my motionless state and leave me on the ground. I'm late for my next lesson.

However, instead of actually turning up for my next lesson, I seek out Pj and Phil. They're sat on a dinner table, laughing and talking. I decide not to ruin they're moods and turn around, but Phil glimpses me before it's too late. My visions still a little hazy and I have a frightening ringing in my ears. Phil runs to me, panic-stricken. Pj is right behind him and before I know it, I'm in the comforting grip of Phil's arms and then there's nothing else, nothing at all.

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**P.s Don't worry he's not dead;) I would like to apologize the ItsWayPastMyBedtime1 for all the confusion I caused. I do pair them in this fic:( I'm really sorry for the mistake. **

**Pleeaaseee review! And I'll seeya soon:D -NeonLuna**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note; Hope you enjoy! There's a liccle bit o' Phan in here :D**

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It's weird, it's like I'm on a cloud. It's soft and warm and very comforting. But I'm not in the sky because there are voices. But the voices are strange...they're very bittersweet. They sting like good memories. But there is one familiar good voice, it's smooth, soft and very northern. "Phil?" I mutter. My voice is extremely hoarse. I feel an even warmer presence and someone is smoothing my hair back. "He's very warm." It is Phil. It is. I force my heavy eyes to open and blink in the light. It certainty is Phil, he's the first person I see. He's sat very close and I realize I'm in my dorm bed. But the covers, they're full of blood. It's sticky and warm. Why does it have blood on it? "Phil," I mutter again, confused and scared. The other voices buzz on in the background and I know that I've heard them before, I recognize them. "It's okay, Dan, It's okay," Phil consoles, still stroking my hair back. Tears fall down my cheeks and in a way they are similar to the blood, warm, wet and sticky. The alternate voices ring around the room and slowly, slowly come into focus along with my vision. There are people in this room that I would rather not have been. Two adults, shockingly similar looking to me stand by my dorm door, looking at me with great 'concern'. A boy, not much younger than me stands in between them. He tentatively takes a step forward. A young fifteen year old. Dark brown hair, and eyes similar to mine. In so many ways we are the same, but he has more...personality than me. He's my brother and I love him like I love no other. I just wish he knew that. He steps forward again, my parents looking at him, concerned. They're not worried about me. Just him. Don't get too close, I can read it on there faces. "Dan?" His voice is low, he's purely adolescent. I sit up, wiping my still bloody nose. I stare at him and in return he locks my gaze. I smile. He seems unsure and looks back at our parents for consent. My mum nods. He then crashes down on me, knocking Phil and engulfing me a strangling hug. Yup, very bittersweet. It shocks me how much he's changed. Just a meek twelve year old boy when I left and now... Well, now he all grown up. Jeez, I sound like a billion years old.

They wanted me to go home. I declined. They wanted me to take a break. I said no. They wanted to know who did this to me. I stayed silent. I know, pretty stupid of me. But, like I said before, I'm not a snitch, and I do not want a looming death-sentence. It just figures. I mean, everything's messed up again. I was starting to enjoy life. I was almost not missing my family. I had sort-of friends, I was doing alright with my grades. But, of course, it's all come crashing down. Phil probably thinks I'm a total freak, and besides, who wants to be friends with the guy who gets bullied? I turn and twist, I curl and cry. My bed just isn't comfy. I must be making a lot of noise because I hear Phil get up. But instead of turning to the bathroom he comes over to me and sits on the bed. "Dan, don't cry," His voice, it's really something else. I yearn to hear it in those non-awkward silences we tend to have. He wipes my tears as if he could wipe all the bad aspects of my life. I shove up to the cool wall, allowing him to lie next to me. He puts his feet in and covers up with the quilt. He's really warm next to me, and his milky skin is soothingly soft. But I'm not used to this, I'm not used to being comforted. Him being here with me; I'm not isolated in my own thoughts any longer. His lingers and my skin heats up under his touch. He moves back over to return to his bed but I reach out just in time and entwine my fingers with his. I don't want to be alone tonight. "Don't go," I whisper groggily. Somehow, he understands and lies next to me, our hands still clasped together.

The morning comes far too soon. The sun has already rose in the sky. And me and Phil lay side by side. This is a scene I would like to capture for sure. Mostly cause I don't want to face the rest of the day. My parents are having a meeting with the head. But I really, really don't want to leave this college because finally I have something worth staying for. Or someone. I lay for as long as I can, watching Phil's chest rise and fall. It's a kind of mesmerizing process. He finally wakes, blinking. His first words are beautiful. "Ah, crap. I kept my contacts in during the night." I giggle and he turns to me. He's laughing too. I don't actually remember the last time I giggled. The sensation is nice. He looks kind of confused. Yeah, I'm always confused when I wake up in another guys bed. "I don't remember how you got here," I raise my hands in defense. He laughs, shaking the bed. I laugh too, and we're both laughing so hard, I'm pretty sure I gained some abs. I really do like Phil. I really want to stay here with him, let our friendship blossom.

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** A massive thanks to ElzyPhangirl, TheAdelaide9, Lino-chan and ItsWayPastMyBedtime1 for reviewing! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm slowly introducing phan;) Please feel free to review, I will see you soon -NeonLuna:)))**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note; I have mediocrely bad news at the bottom, yo. Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter:)**

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Lessons go as per usual. The bullies are not present in my lecture today. I'm free from taunts of any kind all day, which is a peculiar change. I do get a few weird glances though. I stick next to Phil throughout the large majority of the day. We're all cramped, cold and wet sat inside the dinner hall. Pj, Chris, me and Phil. It's becoming a nice little four-way friendship. I just hope I can keep it for a prolonged period of time. Both Pj and Chris have winter colds and are forever wiping their noses. It's strangely annoying. Well, everything's annoying to me. Nevertheless, I'm enjoying sitting with my friends in the filled hall, eating dinner. I'm slightly squiged up to Phil and I, what with being left-handed and all, keep nudging him. "So, do you know if you have to go yet or..." Pj trails of, playing with raindrops on the table. Phil must have told them what happened. I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I just don't want to leave. "No, my parents are talking with the head," I keep my reply short to stop myself from bursting into tears. Phil recognizes my abysmal expression and puts his arm around me. Ah, social contact, you are quite the stranger to me. I still lean into him, though. What? It's cold. He soothes me by rubbing his thumb rheumatically on my arm. Pj and Chris share 'the look'. Secretly, concealed by my hair, I smirk a little. In a weird way, I kind of want them to think we're, well, going out or something.

We've been back in the dorm for a good two hours before I get the faithful knock at the door. I'm very reluctant to answer it, I'm having fun here. Phil and I invited Pj and Chris over. So really, we've just been pratting about for a while. We all kind of just came together as friends, all down to Phil. It's not like a normal friendship, we seem to know each other an awful lot. Chris is the flirty fun type, Pj has a majestic manner. Phil comes across as a cute innocent man-child and I've been described as the sassy one. That's cool with me. But I still know, when I answer that door my parents will just want me home and the head will want me out. I slowly turn the knob, revealing (as guessed) my parents. No brother. Just the old ma and pa. I flash a welcoming smile and slide into the corridor, shutting the door from my friends. I tuck my thumbs into my pockets, awaiting their news. They look pretty grave but that's the usual. My mum smiles back at me and links my father's arm. "So, Dan. College have, of course, figured out you're being, uh, bullied. Luckily, a few people pointed the right direction to the, uh, suspects. They're gone now, you have no reason to worry. It's just up to you to decide now, baby," She gives me the 'I miss my son' look, her eyes pleading for me to come home. But I can't, I mean I really can't return back to my old house. Just to feel trapped, I don't want the sensation of suffocation again. C'mon, I moved out at fourteen, didn't she get the message? Instead of being a brat, I wrap my arms around my mum and whisper as politely as I can. "Mum, I love you. It's just I have _friends _here mum, actual friends. I'm doing my courses really well and I just don't want to leave. I'll always miss home, but here is where I'm supposed to be right now. You do understand, don't you?" She draws back and to my surprise looks proud. She smiles watery and kisses me on the cheek. "I love you too, Dan." She kisses me again and lets me go, linking arms with my father again. I look up to him and see the reflection of my Mum's expression on his face. "We're always here for you, son." I smile and he pats me on the shoulder. I watch them turn and slowly walk down the corridor. At last, I think they have learned to let me go my own way. I open the door with the flourish of a celebration dance. My friends jump up and join me and once again, I end the day with laughing hysterically.

**P.s, I'm currently doing GCSE's. If you've done or are doing them, you'll know that they are extremely tiring:') I'll still carry this story, I'm just a little unsure of when I'll get to upload. Defiantly at least two updates a week, I promise, just not as frequent as they currently are. Not majorly bad, I just thought I'd let you know:) A massive thank-you to KillerKyuubiCat and ElzyPhangirl for the reveiws yo:D Pleasseeee feel free to reveiw yourself;) With love -NeonLuna**


	8. Maybe I should give chapters titles idk

**Author's note; This is late and short I feel terrible and my exam is tomorrow and-**

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To my complete and utter disappointment, I wake up in my own bed, all by myself the following morning. Chris and Pj left late last night after celebrating my prolonged education at the College. I'm glad about it too, but with all this drama I'm wondering more than ever about what I'm going to do with my future. I'm studying law but let's face it, anyone who knows me even remotely can accurately inform you that I'm pretty reluctant to realistically pursue a literal career in it. Even Phil knows. We're each sat on our beds, still in pajamas, when he strikes up the inevitable conversation. "Dan, why _are _you taking law?" I knew the question would swing round at one time or the other, but I still wasn't prepared for it. "Just, cause, like, lawyers are smart." My answer turns out to be one of the most intellectual and thorough explanations that I have deemed to have offered in a very long time, perhaps even my whole life. By Phil's expression, I think he thinks so too. After a split moment of confusion, Phil's back to smiling. I literally face-palm. Then, all of a sudden, it dawns on me. Why am I taking law? Why? I inhale and exhale faster and my heart rate quickens a considerable amount. Quick as a flash, Phil notices my distressed manner. But, no. Just no. I can not enable myself to have a full-scale panic attack here, in front of my friend Phil. I start to shake a bit, my head getting foggy with interlaced hopes and inconceivable expectations. Whoops. Too late on that panick attack thing.

Phil then proves himself to be the only person able to calm me down when I go batshit. It's quite impressive. He sidles up really close to me and doesn't utter a single word. He just sits next to me, rubbing me consolingly. I enjoy his presence, his approximity. It's a nice honeysuckle feeling. "Hey, Dan. If you don't want to do law, I'd be more than happy to help you decide what to do..." He trails of, sneaking glances at his camera in the corner. I sniff in response, no longer as panicky. I'll just get through college then go to uni then inevitably die. No biggie. I snuggle further into Phil, he's pale but warm. He moves and like last night, our bodies fit together. Yes, we are a two man jigsaw piece. I smile at the thought and then Phil stops rubbing his thumb softly on my skin. In Fact, he lifts up his hand to stroke my fringe back from my forehead. I look up at him, his beautiful face. I feel a longing in the confines of my stomach. I feel like I want to kiss him. His full lips look lucious and desirable. I just want to put my lips against them. As if Phil can read my thoughts he slowly edges his face closer to me, so close I can scrutinize every perfect fraction of his beautiful face. I look deep into his eyes and wonder wildy what on earth is running through his brilliant mind this instant. Our noses touch and then there we are, both led on my bed our lips moving with each others, perfectly in sync, perfectly the image of a pure undisclosed desire.

I'm kissing Phil.

I'm kissing a boy.

And I like it, a considerable amount.

In Fact, I don't make any effort to stop it. I induce it further. My arms wrap around him and I'm on my side. I slide my hands slowly in delicate patterns on his back. We both break to breath, but for just a fraction of a second, I can't bare to not be in contact with him. Our lips crash together again, more fierce this time. My heart collides with my feelings and pumps mosh pits in my chest. That really is a perfect representation of my feelings right now, actually. He too wraps his arms around me, bringing me closer. We are an entanglement of limbs, a pattern of synchronization and a mind-puzzle of confusion. I have only one instinct and that is to kiss Phil. Until, of course, a knock at the door interrupts our haven. I'm jolted right back into reality. Phil's eyes are wide and scared. "Don't worry," I hush. Now I'm the consoling one. He relaxes a bit and falls back into the bad. I clamber over his lean frame, placing a peck on his shockingly soft face before heading to the door, most likely to rip the face of the bitch that interrupted what was the. Best. Panic. Attack. Ever.

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**P.s I'm sorry I'm not dead just late. Hey, fun game. Who can guess the last time I slept? ME NEITHER. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter they kissed to sum it up. A mahoosive thank-you to the beauties that reviewed; ****ElzyPhangirl (an extra big thank-you:)) Secretlynotaninja (whom is awesome and good at salmon) ItsWayPastMyBedtime1 and the mysterious; therandomeone :D Thank-you! And please feel free to reveiw yourself;) **

**As always, with love; the bad at updating on time oh shit it's my English gcse tomorrow -NeonLuna**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note; Heeere you go! (thankyou to all the well wishers!) **

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I swing open the door with no regard to whom will stand beyond it. What a foolish mistake. The bullies, come back for me. Revenge I'm guessing. I didn't mean to get them expelled. The main guy stands, leaning effortlessly on the door frame. His lips curl into a cruel smile. "Hey Dan," He whispers. My heart thuds hard under my t-shirt. I look from one boy to the next, my manner completely and utterly panic-stricken. But, similar to before, I have one instinct and that is to protect Phil. I step forward, slamming the door shut behind me. I look from boy to boy. God, I hope they die in their sleep. "What do you want from me? Just leave me alone already," I'm not scared, my voice does not stutter. He looks taken aback about my bravery but let's face it, he can't just beat me up again and everything will 'be okay'. Sure, I'll get hurt and I can bet he'll enjoy it immensely but everything won't automatically 'be fine'. I'm just not scared anymore. He straightens up, a good three inches over my height. Tall wanker. I still definitely stare back, I hope to deter him. No such luck. He pushes me back into the door, and I bang loudly on to the wood. One smooth motion. Damn, he's strong. The noise alerts Phil. "Dan? Are you okay? We should really be setting off for lesson soon," He sounds so innocent, so naïve. The bully snaps his head up to the sound of his voice. "Your boyfriend?" He smirks. Wait, is Phil my boyfriend? I mean we kissed, but, that could be anything. I do want him to be my boyfriend, but I don't know if I'm gay. Huh. It's so weird. I seriously think I'm falling for this cute, mysterious, muse-loving man child. I click back to the present day, realizing I'm still staring at the bully. "Yeah, I am his boyfriend," It comes from behind me and I nearly fall into him when the door is opened. My face flushes a delightful red colour but Phil doesn't skip a beat. It occurs to me he may have done this before. The bully looks shocked to see Phil. Please tell me...no, that's not nostalgia that glistens in his otherwise cruel eyes? Yes, yes it is. I look from boy to boy. What the hell? Do they know each other? I hope not. For Phil's sake. "Well, it's nice to see you. I think you ought to leave now, the bell's about to ring. Plus, didn't you get expelled?" Phil is very calm and collective, something I've still yet to learn. The bully purses his lips and swings round, motioning for his followers to run in his wake. Prick. I look to Phil in actual amazement. He swings his arm round me and we to head down the corridor to lesson. I'm still shocked. "Ex-boyfriend," Phil whispers in my ear, holding my hand. In open my mouth in shock and then burst into laughter, accompanied with Phil's chuckles. I stop abruptly because I just want to kiss his damn lips. I have to lean up, but I am growing. I press my lips to his and he replies with zilch hesitance. I start giggling again whilst kissing him. Which, I might add, is a weird feeling. He raises his eyebrows questioningly. "You went out with the bitch of the school," I wink, taking his hand again.

By the end of the college day it has spread like wildfire. Phil the new guy, and Dan the quiet one, going out. Total gossip! Although, I have to admit, we haven't really tried to hide it. Holding hands in corridors and kissing before we go our separate ways. Some give us weird looks but it's the exact same as a 'normal couple. Except in our relationship, there are two penis'. No biggie. There are only a few starers and no comments at all so things went pretty smooth all day. Pj even described it as 'not a big deal. You two are cute together.' But I swear they were holding hands under the table. Well, Chris looked pretty happy anyway. I wink at him and look pointedly towards the table and Pj blushes, squinting his eyes at me. Ah, I am a total bitch. But they still love me. Chris even invites me and Phil over to their shared apartment on friday. Phil agrees straight away but I'm hesitant. I'm not used to having friends, it's all very too good to be true. I agree anyway, happy at the prospect over spending time with my homies. Four days until friday.

Me and Phil get back to the dorm after chatting with Pj and Chris at the stone steps. I fling myself right onto the bed, head buried in pillow. Phil sits beside me, twirling my hair around his finger. The dark pigments of my hair contrast beautifully against his pale finger. I sit up cross legged, facing Phil. I smile and he smiles back and oh, there we go again. Kissing. I just can't seem to help myself. His lips fit with mine and we move closer. I break away first to both of our surprise. "Homework." One word that can make a fully grown man cry. I hug Phil around his middle and for a fraction of a second I feel like a giddy little kid again, having been hyperactive due to all the sugar intake. Phil feels it too; we kiss again, deeper and more passionate this time. "Later," Phil whispers back. I oblige. I'm more than happy to spend the afternoon exploring my boyfriends facial features than labour over an essay. We lie side by side and we're a blissful mix of watching the tv and kissing, which is now my new favorite thing to do. Perhaps I'll take it up as a hobby.

We waste away the night and before I know it, I'm still cuddled up to Phil at three in the morning. I'm exhausted. I loll my head onto Phil's chest and he automatically starts to run his hands through my hair. It's nice, it's comforting. I'm very tired. My eyes start to blink more and then everything is hazy and then I'm dropped down rapidly into the dreamland of make-believe, were the subconscious takes over and everything is so easy. The last thing I'm aware of is master chef blaring from the tv and Phil's chest rising and falling, lulling me to fall asleep. I fall asleep right there, cuddled up cosily to Phil. This is the best I've ever felt before and I love

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**P.s Hiiii! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and wow I'm tired goodnight. -NeonLuna**

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**Pps; Thank-you to the amazing person who reviewed last chapter, you're awesome! ElzyPhangirl (you should check her stories out:D) Bye for now^.^ -NeonLuna**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note; Well well well. Here I am. And I feel terrible. Honestly, I promised two a week and I gave you nothing:( I think I just forgot how much I love writing this stuff for you guys. But then my e-mails finally came in and I saw some awesome people who motivated me to write:) (I'll mention at the bottom) So here you go, I hope you enjoy!**

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Waking up isn't such a feat anymore. It's a pleasure. Every morning I'm next to Phil so my day becomes great before it's really even started. This particular morning I'm snuggled up next to him, wrapped under the blanket tight. The air is cold and crisp and even the window is glazed over with beautiful swirls of ice. Alas, winter has declared itself. Phil's already awake, I can tell by the rhythm of his chest. I yawn as a good-morning. Phil yawns too. "It's too cold to get up, Phil sighs. I smile in agreement and look up to him. Woah, he's wearing glasses. I reach up and trace the outline of his frames. "Your glasses are cute," I sigh absent mindedly. Phil raises his eyebrows but doesn't object. I put my head back on his chest and secure the cover around us so it conceals the warmth. Damn, it's cold today.

Just as I step out the shower I realize it's a friday. That means Phil and I are going over to Chris and Pj's today. Shit. I'm still not used to being around people I like. It's such a change to go from having no friends to being in a group of four. I like it, don't get me wrong, I'm just not used to it. I realize I've been stood still in my towel for a good few minutes; I left my clothes in the room and I'm getting cold. I tighten my towel around me. "Phil?" I call meekly. My cheeks are already flushed. He pops his head round the door, already giggling. "Yes, Daniel?" He says promiscuously. I blush further. I stifle a giggle too, trying to look deadly serious. "I left my clothes on my bed," I whine. Phil bursts into laughter, swinging away from the door. I clasp my arm with my hand. He leaves the door open so I can see him. He's really tall, I notice. I think, though, that I'm taller. Which is weird because when we first met I was shorter. All this reminds me of his age. He is twenty-one. Nearly twenty-two. I'm seventeen. Not even old enough to drink. It actually dawns on me how young I am. I've spent the large majority of my school time freaking out about a future that is so far away. Phil walks back in, waving my clothes in my face. I snap my head up and realize further that my _whole life is falling into place. _"Dan-" I wrap my arms around his neck, engulfing him is a massive hug. He hugs back, uncertain of my sudden burst of affection. I sniff, damn it really is cold. "Thank-you," I whisper, my words creating breath that floats further into the air. I hope you understands how amazing he really is. _  
_

I dress in a hurry. All the nakedness, kissing, life having a sense of purpose and cuddling makes us later then usual. I'm just dragging the straighteners through my hair as Phil packs both of our bags. I'm still not used to people touching my things, every time he moves a book I flinch a little. He turns round, aware that my eyes are trained on him. He smiles. "Ready to go?" I frown, snapping my straighteners like a mouth. I motion for him to come closer. He moves slowly with an air of suspicion. "Not quite," I murmur, lifting my straighteners to his hair. He widens his eyes comically but lets me style his hair. I'm just doing the back when I realize how gay I'm acting. I didn't even know about my sexuality until Phil moved in. I place the straightens down and wrap my arms around his chest from the back. "I'm so lucky," Phil whispers. "I came here and found you." He turns to face me and places a kiss on my lips. "Well, think about how I feel. Being here for years then you come and make my life 100% better." And we're off again. Kissing. Until that faithful knock at the door. It's shrill and angry. "It's always a knock that disrupts us..." I mutter, opening the door. Ah, a teacher. A very angry teacher.

We weren't even _that _late. Just like, a half hour. Jeez, now we have to 'serve the consequences' as the teacher worded it, in an hour detention after last lesson. We're in college, not high school! And that means we'll miss out on valuable gaming time at Chris and Pj's. Ugh, I just bought a new game. I don't know what she's gonna make us do for an hour. Although, it is pretty funny. What with Phil being twenty-one and staying for an hours detention. He's not too impressed though. I hold his hand on the way to my lecture, swinging our arms back and forth. His lips are pursed. Damn, he is cute. I reach the door of my lecture theatre, giving him a quick peck on the lips before half an hour of a shitty, shitty lecture.

The day ticks slowly through, right up until last lesson, media. All four of us share the back table. Chris and Pj took the camera home this week and filmed a few bits for the day in our life type project we're working on. "It's your turn now, just like say goodmorning to the camera and stuff over the week," Pj holds out the camera and Phil takes it, already knowing how to work it. How does he know all this camera stuff? Phil is already powering it on and- oh great. Shining it in my face. I delve for cover behind Chris and all of a sudden we're all caught up in a four-person game of catch. I'm out of breath very, very quickly. Ah, the joys of having the lung capacity similar to an eighty year old mans. I call time out. We're acting just like children and it's great and I'm just so freakin' thankful that I have these amazing friends to make life worth living. But, yeah. Phil's more than a friend to me.

Detention time. We call our goodbye's dramatically from the marble steps at the main entrance of the college after Pj has gave us direct instructions to their apartment. "Enjoy detention!" Chris calls gleefully, letting everybody else within a hundred mile radius know too. I stick my tongue out and Phil grabs my hand, ready for an hour of pure boredom.

The dragon like teacher clocks us from the hallway and literally man-handles us into her office. We sit down and, I'm being deadly serious, for an hour not a single word is uttered. Like, its utter silence for a full sixty minutes. I'm just using all my will power not to laugh really, really loud. I keep sneaking glances at Phil, which induces my need to laugh further. I feel like I'm going to burst by the time it's four 'o' clock. We crash out of the office and run, fingers entangled together, back to our dorm to grab a few things before we go to Chris and Pj's apartment.

I feel immensely nervous knocking on the door. It's ridiculous, I can't even find the courage to lift my hand. Phil knocks from behind me. Oh, gods. What if he thinks I'm a total imbecile? What if he thinks I'm an utter fatuous idiot? A million insults run through my mind before Phil sneaks a quick kiss on my cheek and I feel assured that he doesn't think I'm a douche bag. Thank Thor for that. Chris answers the door and acts as if it's a total surprise that we're here. Pj comes into the door frame, dragging Chris to the open-plan living room and motioning for us to come in. Phil goes first and I think he knows I'm a little scared. And he hasn't run a mile, so that's a good sign. I really do like Phil a lot. It smells like pizza once I'm properly inside and sat on a random beanbag. It's really cosy, the flat. Very teenage boyish. Posters and gaming consoles and around a zillion pizza boxes in the kitchen. Surprise, surprise, we're having pizza tonight. I don't mind one bit, I freaking love pizza.

It turns out that I have a very bitter competitive streak. I'm so totally whipping Chris' butt at sonic when he jumps up and dances very seductively in front of the screen, causing me to crash. I exclaim in protest but Chris wiggles his hips at us all, stating the well known words of Finnick O'dair. "DO YOU FIND THIS...DISTRACTING?" I can't help it, we're all giggling immensely. "Chris, you are too inappropriate!" Pj proclaims, laughing still. Phil wipes his eyes, laughing and yawning in sync. "Agreed," He figures. I chuck the controller to Pj for his go, sidling up closer to Phil. Chris re-joins us, already loosing his round with Pj. "You tired?" I ask. Phil nods slowly, still chuckling slightly. I agree. I'm thinking about heading back home but then Chris wanders off to the kitchen, submerging with eight cans of alcohol. He's already sipping from one. He passes it to Phil and Pj but completely ignores me. I sit there, indignantly blinking rapidly. I clear my throat. "Excuse me?" The three older boys look at me as if to say 'what?' I raise my eyebrows begrudgingly, motioning to the cans. "Yeah, Dan, suuure. We're just gonna let you underage drink, how old are you again? 'Cause everyone else in this room is over twenty," Chris can't stop giggling. Phil looks away, trying very, very hard not to laugh. Pj's concentrating on the screen. I purse my lips. "Seventeen. You're just relishing in my pain, aren't you?" All three boys nod in synchronization. I sigh melodramatically, falling down on the settee hard. "Whatever," I mutter under my breath, being the sarcastic sass-machine I am. Phil lets me sip from his drink but I have to admit, it's actually pretty disgusting. I refuse another taste and hear the coo's of Chris from the corner. I smile to myself. Ah, the innocence of a seventeen year old.

A few more hours pass by and Phil start yawning again. This time I actually do pipe up about leaving. "I think it's time we got back now-" Chris is lolling against Pj, exhausted from his hyper energized representation of Finnick O'dair. Pj nods and leads me and Phil to the door. I thank Pj for the pizza and for letting Chris win a game to shut him up. Phil leans against me, his eyes closing slightly. The night is freezing cold, like my heart. "Do you want a ride? It's freezing tonight," Pj offers. I agree with minimal resistance, clambering into Pj's little green Ford Anglia. We ride through the town I've resided in but never really ventured thoroughly. We pull up next to the college after a ten minute trip of that rare comfortable silence. I have to nudge Phil to alert him of our arrival. I shut the car door softly and we wave off Pj. I let Phil lean on my slightly as we link arms. I open the entrance reception door slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y but- no, we've been clocked. Luckily the Dragon Lady's not on duty. A middle aged lady looking like she's on the brink of exhaustion tells us to put our names down on a form thingy just so if we died or something, it would be our fault.

I'm cuddled up next to Phil once again. He's very cozy. "We don't really need two beds, do we?" Phil muses. I exhale loudly in agreement and turn to face him. I love this; these little chats we have just before we fall asleep. "How come you're more tired than me?" I inquizitate, yawning myself. Phil blinks for a prolonged second. I flatten my head to the pillow, feeling myself lulling off to subconsciousness. "I woke up before you, remember?" I do recall it but I'm already asleep before I have time to respond, snuggled up to the most special guy in the world.

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**P.s Is that long or is that long?! Do you forgive me now?^-^ Hehe. A very biiiig thank-you to; ElzyPhangirl and kitty with a chance for reviewing the last chapter! Also a special thank-you to KillerKyuubiCat! It's always a pleasure to have an awesome person reside under your bed(stay as long as you'd like;p) :D I'll see you soon! (I promise this time) As always with a spectacular amount of fluffy love -NeonLuna :)**

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** P.p.s I cannot decide whether to include KicktheStickz in this. I'd feel bad writing it with all the kerfuffle ongoing but they're my otp! Please tell me if you want it:)**

**Feel free to review! As always, the procrastinator, -NeonLuna 3 **


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note; I START LORD OF THE FLIES TOMORROW AAHHH **

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Weekends go way too fast to be true. I swear when I woke up on saturday the day lasted like a half hour. It was a good half hour, though. I was holding hands with Phil the _whole time. _Then boom, it was sunday. I blinked and hey, it's three in the afternoon on a sunday and I'd done absolutely zilch all day. I was just starting to think about my shitty college course decisions when Phil jumped on my bed, stuffing a camera in my face. I splutter in surprise, trying to hide from the lens. Just as I peek back up from under the cover, Phil is armed with two cameras. Why? Just, why?

It turns out when I call Phil amazing, I'm proclaiming the truth. "I have this YouTube account where I make little videos about my week and stuff. That's why I'm taking all these media courses. I want to be a vlogger. I started doing it as a hobby but then I got more viewers and stuff so I carried it on full-time. I realized I was making people happy just by doing something I enjoy so I figured I might as well stick to it," He explains. I'm completely gobsmacked. It's so cool! I can't believe my boyfriend Phil is like semi-famous. "It's quite an easy thing to do and I'd think you'd enjoy it, so, uh, yeah. My accounts name is AmazingPhil." My initial response is to engulf Phil in a massive hug so I do so, giggling. I fall onto the floor, taking Phil right on down with me. "That's awesome!" I squeal. "Honestly, that's so cool. But, I don't really think I'd be too good at it, you'know, I'm not photogenic or anything..." Phil leans up on his elbow giving me the whole 'you serious?' look. I look innocently back at him. He slowly picks up the camera and fixes the lens to focus on me. "Now Dan, introduce yourself to my little armada of awesome people." I'm like a deer trapped in the headlights, my eyes wide and my words getting stuck in my throat. "Uh, hey-what?" I look to Phil. I tried, points for effort etc. He nods, encouraging me to speak further. "Hey, my name's Dan. Daniel Howell. I uh, I go to the same college as Phil. Amazing Phil," I stop talking and look to Phil for consent to speak further. He pauses the camera and sits next to me, handing me the device. I take it solemnly. I can't do this. Can I? "I'm going to go out and leave you with the camera, okay? By that I mean record a welcoming speech thingy for my channel, I think you're going to be sticking around for a while, anyway," He winks, stretching and brushing his jeans down. I stare at the camera. Jeez, I barely even know how to use the damn thing. Phil helps me up and then actually grabs his coat, heading to the door. "Where are you going?" I inquizitate curiously. Phil opens the door and sidels out to the hall suspiciously. I see, from the corner of my eye, a soft blanket of snow beginning to cover the streets. Why is he going out in the snow? "Oh, y'know Dan, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas," He giggles. His utter cute-ness is exfoliating yet strangely frustrating. I kiss him quickly then let him go off. I then go to the mirror and place my camera in front of it so I can see myself. I set the lens to a nice focus and press play. A weird confidence surges in me, probably from that kiss. I speak with no hesitation, even though I'm terrified to hear what's about to come out of my mouth.

**P.s Damn, I really want to make YouTube video's but I'm too cowardly *cries at failure* It took me a while to convince to post on here but I luuurve it now^.^ Ah, thank-you to; ElzyPhangirl as always for reviewing last chapter! And Kittykat0989! (I know how you feel, I got two hours last nightxD) Thank-you!:D**

**MOTHERFUCKER ON FIRE**

**SORRY. jUST fraNK iERO fEEEELLS. **

**Sorry! But if anyone actually does understand that, you are an exceptional being, my friend. ;) -NeonLuna^.^**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note; I think this chapters a little sad, so just a pre-warning for self-hate/mental issues. It's not too bad, I don't think, but Dan is upset in this one^.^ **

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"Hey internet, my name's Dan. Daniel Howell. I'm currently associated with Philip Lester, to you he's AmazingPhil. So, yeah, we go to the same college and share a room so he's asked me to introduce myself to you. But then again, Phil and I are a little more than friends. We've been in a comfy relationship since half way through October. Not that long, no, but the thing is with Phil, it's different y'know? With him, I feel like we are infinite. So, yeah, I might be popping up in a video or two in the near future, I'll seeya round." I cough absentmindedly, but now a weird feeling surrounds me, engulfing my scenes with a sickly sweet grip. Before I shut the camera off, I add one more, insignificant detail.

"And, I love Phil. I am in love with him."

I press the stop button and place the camera on Phil's bed, ready for him to watch. I walk like a zombie to the door, not bothering to grab a coat. It's icy cold outside. I take each step down to the entrance and with every soft thud of my footfall, another self-inflicted insult is thrown at me, sharp like a knife.

-You're not good enough.

-You're too inexperienced for him.

-Not confident enough, you coward.

-It's not like he loves you back, though.

-He'll watch the video and be utterly repulsed.

I'm out in the cold now. It's just around the time it goes dark, mirroring how I feel. I don't get it, I've been so happy since Phil came. No more sadness and the suffocation. I'd even probably feel up to moving back in with my parents. It has been three years. But tonight is different. Just like before, I feel this sinking sadness. Phil, of course. He won't like me back as much as I like him. I never seem to be good enough. I reach my palm out face-up to the sky and catch a snowflake on my skin. Cold, delicate and beautiful. I look up to where it came from, only to see a million more dancing through the winter's night. I trudge on, through the building-up layer of snow. I have no clue as to where I'm going. As always. It's a painstaking metaphor that hurts like a car-crash, it's a haunting poetry piece about my life. I have no idea where I'm going.

On through the snow. My fingers and nose are scarlett and I'm just getting colder. I can't go back, Phil would have seen the video by now; he'll be hating me by now. A tear frozen before it has time to flourish slips delicately down my cheek. The night can be deadly. I'm nearing a road and I cross without a care as to check for traffic. I walk, looking down the whole time. Looking at the ground. My fingers clench, freezing. It's cold, cold, cold.

I can't go any farther. Well, more like I'm stopped before I keel over. It's outside a pub. I'm still looking pointedly to the now frozen earth when a hand reaches out and stops my path. I don't even look up to see the owner of the hand as I'm lead inside. The first sense I get of the place is warm. It surrounds me and steams me up inside until I'm boiling. I'm hot with a swirly angst. Why am I not good enough? Why do I think these things? Phil made it clear he liked me back, right? I'm asked if I attend the college down the road and I mumble an unintelligible reply. They, by that I mean presumably the landlord; I can't be sure, pat me on the back whilst ringing the college I think. What a drama. It's all my fault. I just have the strength left to strain my ears, listening to the phone.

"Yes, hello. I'm ringing on behalf of a boy. He looks lost- yes, Harold! His name!" I'm asked my name and I reply so half-heartedly it's unreal.

"Daniel Howell-"

"Is that him? Let me speak to him! Please!" Phil. I hear Phil's voice. It's so soothing and sweet, like a tea spoon of syrup to my ears.

"Are you missing a boy?"

"Yes, miss. I do apologize, you see we've had trouble with this boy before."

I try my hardest then not to listen. It's not nice hearing about what people_ know_ about me; I've being trying hard to repress it. I don't want Phil to hear, either. I'm so fed up, I'm so caught up in it all. I start to cry, hard. Tears rolling down my face rapidly, building up on my cheeks. I just want to go to sleep now. I want to go home and curl up and cry. I want- "Yes, yes. I'm sending a member of staff to collect him from you. Thanks again." It looks like I'll just have to go back to the dorm, face Phil.

Infinity isn't real afterall. Not even in love. We just can't be bothered to count, but we are pityingly aware that indeed, we are numbered.

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**P.s anyone notice the Pierce the Veil quote?;)**

**A massive thank-you to;**

**ElzyPhangirl (omg, you should make a channel, I would watch you religiously:D)**

**potteratthedisco (I had music too with guitar that is so weird! 21 sleeps till christmas:D) **

**KillerKyuubiCat (I love having you around. I'm afraid to say I do not have a basement and I can see you being cramped on my fridge but you are welcome to come and mingle in my roomxD Your reveiws make me smile like a doosh:)) **

**For reviewing last chapter! And may I say, reading your reviews makes me so freakin' happy. You're all wonderful and quirky and I love you. It had to be said because I just appreciate it so muchxD HAVE AN AWESOME DAY, YOU DESERVE IT READER!**

**-NeonLuna **


	13. Chapter 13

** Author's note; I'm late. Not as late as Sherlock. **

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As soon as I'm lead inside the doors to the college, I'm caught up in a hug from- it's not Phil. Who's hugging me? I crane my head to look up and see my brother. Weird. "Dan, Dan. Are you okay? Are you alright? You're so cold. Dan, you didn't tell me you felt this way again. You promised you would tell, Dan." His voice is full of concern. My brother knows me far too well.

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_I'm walking once again. I needed to get out of the house. The suffocation, the pure drowning I felt. I'm in the field round the back and it's snowing heavily, the flakes of ice flying round me, swirling like ballerinas. __I have not an intelligent reason for why I am out here. I'm fourteen years old, in the constant shadow of my perfect brother. The brother that my parents just adore. I'll bet they're in the living room all together right now, not even aware that I'm no longer in the actual house. I sit down on the frozen ground, the blanket of snow comforting me. Unlike my family. I sigh, watching my emotional interjection float in the air. I'm just fed up, I think, to the extent of lying here in the snow round the back of my house, just to get away from it all. I wipe my hand through the white canvas, creating little swirls with my finger. I reach out my other hand into the snow, too. I'm cold, my mind, nose, feet. I'm numb with the cold. My mind is whirring but I'm not paying attention, I'm blinking but I'm not looking. I sit up when I can no longer stand the icy pricks running up and down, __along my back. I shake my head to bring my back to the world and rub my eyes. I go to stand and I'm walking back to the house .I'm okay. I'm just tired. I turn back and see my silhouette in the shadows of the snow and I see the place where I lay just a moment ago. To my surprise, the patterns I was tracing with my fingers connect together, making a word._

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I hug my brother in return, baffled that he's actually here. He came just because I feel a little down over Phil. AND THAT I DO NOT WANT TO BE A GODDAMN LAWYER. "Bad again?" I repeat. God, I just spent a lot of time in the garden when I was fourteen. It's not like I was crazy. Cough. He just hugs tighter until I nearly die of suffocation. "Yeah. Well, I'll tell you upstairs, c'mon, you look freezing," He lets me go and heads up the stairs and I follow in his wake. The reception lady stares. She looks at me intently. I catch her eye and she looks away hurriedly, a red tint spreads in her cheeks. Nosy bitch.

My brother opens the door as if he's lived here for as long as I have. He walks in, nodding to Phil on the way. Oh, he doesn't even know we're going out. He doesn't even know I'm gay! Crap. I look to Phil worriedly but he's...ignoring me? I don't know, but he's definitely avoiding eye contact. I try to attract his attention by coughing but, nope. Nothing. It just alerts my brother of how cold I am. "Dan, c'mere, get into bed. I don't know _what _you were thinking mate, it's frickin' freezing out there..." I do stumble over to be bed and sit on the mattress, numbly. My brother wraps a cover around me and sits gently by my side, slinging his arm around my back. He's acting as if he's a million years older than me but yet it's a petty constellation and one that I'm afraid to say at this moment Im lapping up. I lean into his side slowly, looking over to Phil the whole time. He's got his earphones in and he's just 'distracted' by some course work in his arms. He doesn't look too concerned at all. My brother sees me looking. "Yeah, he was crying when I arrived. I don't know, he looked really worried. His name's Phil, right?" I nod, my mind wondering madly; he was crying? Over me? No-one's ever done that. Not to my knowledge. "He was really sad. It looks like he likes you. Would you believe it, my brother has a _friend. _Took your time Dan," He laughs. I exhale, rolling my eyes, suppressing laughter too. "So what's up, big bro. Tell me, I have to be heading off soon," He does sound concerned. So I go ahead and tell him. Kind of hoping Phil can hear too. About how my future seems a little overwhelming at the moment, but it's fine, I'll get over it. I try to sound as casual as I can muster so he doesn't worry. I love my brother and I don't want him to lose sleep over me. So he accepts my reasons with good grace, ensuring me it'll be fine in the end 'I'm bright enough to pursue a career in most fortes'. I too accept his bid to make me feel better and don't think too much into it. I just thank him, hug him and hurry him home before mum rings worried. He leaves with good grace which leaves me alone with Phil.

_In the camera, the lense can sense a boy, so it zooms in. The boy, young and tired, looks cold and stressed. Also worried, looking to the person holding the device. His eyes show love and a restricted guilt. Yet still his face is an image of confusment and again, worry. The camera traces a tear roll down his red cheek and zooms again, portraying the emotional interjection as a drop of pure beauty. Yet this is juxtaposition as the tear resembles nothing less of hurt and hideousness. The boy knows this and the camera does not so it continues to perfect the image of the crying boy without a sense of wrong-doing as a mortal would. _

Phil gets up with a flourish, leaving his earphones on the bed. He stresses over to the shelf and handles the camera with ease, turning it on and pointing it at me. He opens his mouth to speak.

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**P.s Yeah, seem to have a serious case of lazy-itus. Bdmum tss. But seriously, it's not fair to you guys so I decided I'll have a schedule thing like normal people-.- I'll be -almost- sure to update on Wednesdays and Sundays from now on, and if I don't have a large pile of homework I may slip in a few Tuesdays. I hope that's okay for you:) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this belated chapter and a massive thank-you to the regulars;) ; KillerKyuubiCat and ElzyPhangirl and to mysticwater72 (I woke up to your review, that was nice:')) Seeya in a few days, as always with bunches and bunches of love -NeonLuna :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note; writer's block makes me cry **

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"This is Dan. He's my roommate. He's an exceptional guy, even if he cannot see it himself. He doesn't know it, but I do understand how he feels, why he's glum. Maybe one day he'll realize that really, I do like him. A lot. In fact I'd even go as far to say that I'm falling for him. In love, that is. That I feel the same as he does about me. So really, he has no reason to be scared about how he feels. Maybe he'll realize that I will stick with him, through his existential crisis. Because I _want _to. Because I _love _him."

And with that he puts the camera down and I can't help it I get up and walk to him and just freaking kiss the man like I've ever fucking kissed before. I literally collide with his body and I'm in this world, this third dimension, where nothing else ceases to exist apart from me, Phil and the absolute love I'm feeling right now. It's a sweet, cynical paradise as I wrap my arms around him, engulfing him into a mix of kissing, hugging and crying (on my part). He responds with the same integrity as me as he pulls me closer. So I was wrong about Phil not liking me? I don't know he seems to like me by the amount of urgency there is in his kiss. Why is he urgent? Did I upset him? It's as if he can read my train of thought because he totally distracts me by reaching for my hand and leading me to his bed. We fall, still interlocked, and I swear, we stayed like this for an hour. Just kissing then hugging and I'm still crying because I love him, I love Phil. And I tell him so for what seems to be infinite times and similarly infinite, he tells me it back. And maybe, just a little, I'm starting to think that Infinity is no longer numbered because I've never _felt _more infinite.

It's only when I realize it's probably about three in the morning that I change position, which alerts Phil of the time also. I'm kind of shocked by the events of the day. I tell Phil I love him then go and nearly freeze to death, get miraculously saved by my brother whom I haven't seen for a billion years, then Phil returns love and just happy happy happy. I'm still cold, though. And with a shiver and the glaringly obvious goosebumps, Phil hold me tighter, stroking his thumb against my skin. When he speaks, I can feel the vibration. That's how close we are. "You don't have to worry anymore Dan. Cause I'm with you now. See, no more bullies. Look, all your bruises have faded. And you're happy, I'm happy. So, we'll figure out this lawyer situation. I'll help, I promise. You just have to let me, okay? And you'll see, it'll be just like a happy ever after in the end." I believe him. He promised, so I believe him, it'll be one happy ever after for me and my mystical, magical Phil...

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**P.s much short. such shit. wow.**

**But, yeah, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter! Love and stuff. LOVE. I can feel this coming closer to an end but do not fear! I already have another fic planned. *insert evil laugh* **

**On another entirely different note, a humongous christmassy thank-you to; KillerKyuubiCat (the end is neigh), ElzyPhangirl (I just love cliff hangers _I live life on the edge is that a pu_n :D) , Kittykat0989 (yayayaya) and mysticwater72 (I apologize for the feelsxD) ah, you guys rock, similar to medusa. Byeeeee for now -NeonLuna**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note; There are 15 chapters! Woah! What! When! How! Chop Suey! **

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So I decide to stay as close to Phil as I possibly can throughout the week. We even joke about calling ourselves Phan. I mean in proximity. Which is difficult. Because apparently the word of the week is fag. But I'm cool with that. I'd much rather be a fag than without Phil.

Holding hands at night, in the hallways, during lessons. It's great. Plus, Pj and Chris think it's cute and it's actually given them the confidence to out their relationship a little more. Nevertheless, they aren't as flamboyant as us. But goddamn it, I'm in love with Phil and he with me, so I don't care.

So, I've quit the lawyer shit. It's not good for me and I have a new thing where I do things that will only make me happy. And that's basically Phil. I'm due to start my new course in the new year as it's nearly christmas now. My new course is more or less the same as Phil's. He introduced me to the video side of the internet and BOOM. I was in. I'm currently planning out my channel, I still need the confidence to upload. Phil will help, I'm sure.

And perhaps, in the end, we will live a wonderfully fairy-tale-esque infinitely beautiful relationship. Phil is my brand new start and I his, and I'm inevitably happy day through day with my new beginning.

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**P.s. LAST CHAPTER! ERMAHGERD! It has been of the utmost pleasure to write this story for your entertainment, truly. I'd like to thank all the favorites, follows, reviews and just readers in general; 2111 views is mind blowing! **

**A BIG BIG thank-you to; Kittykat0989 and ElzyPhangirl for reviewing last chapter :D **

**I hope you all have a very smiley and happy christmas and wish you the best for 2014, as always with love -NeonLuna 3 **


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